11 Apr 3 Ways to Alleviate Perinatal Anxiety (Part I)

Let me guess… there are a few things that aren’t going as you expected. Whatever your new motherhood situation may be, you may be experiencing the perinatal stage differently than you had expected (especially with the amount of uncertainty and restrictiveness during the pandemic).

You are not alone.

In a 2018/2019 study of Canadian mothers, approximately one-quarter (23%) of mothers who recently gave birth reported feelings consistent with postpartum depression or anxiety*. However, it is widely known that these feelings go underreported for several different reasons (mainly shame). We don’t have the pandemic data yet, but my guess is that perinatal anxiety and depression haven’t decreased.

So how do we alleviate perinatal anxiety? Let’s dive in.

What is Perinatal Anxiety?

The perinatal period is generally defined as the time a woman is pregnant till one year after the baby is born. Recent research is finding that this period actually extends to 3 years after the baby is born.

Perinatal anxiety is described as “the unexpected experience of motherhood“, with anxiety being a natural response to when one feels threatened or unsafe. Whether a threat is real or not, mothers can have a similar bodily response, including shallow breath, increased heart rate, and having a hard time sleeping when the baby sleeps.

Symptoms of Perinatal Anxiety

**These are the most commonly reported symptoms of perinatal anxiety:

• Unhelpful View of the Self
  • Not feeling good about physical self
  • Not feeling maternal – feeling like it’s not coming easy to them
  • Loss of identity socially or career-wise
  • Not good enough – trying to be perfect
  • Frustration over the lack of productivity
  • A lack of self-care and self-worth
  • Comparing themselves as mothers to their own mothers, sisters, or friends
  • Social comparisons on social media increasing negative views of the self
  • Feeling guilty for staying at home
  • Feeling guilty for working
• Unmet Expectations
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Birth experience different than the “birth plan”
  • Expectations of breastfeeding (1 in 5 mothers have difficulty breastfeeding!)
  • Not automatically bonding with the baby (this is common and normal!)
  • Stress of finding out the sex of the baby
  • Feeling like they’re not meeting others’ expectations
  • The second baby experience being different than the first
• Unexpected Emotional Suffering
  • Guilt and shame of not enjoying your screaming baby
  • Anger and resentment around loss of identity
  • Feeling helpless and inadequate
  • “Running on empty”
  • Feeling resentful of partners whose lives have seemed to carry on as usual
  • Mothers thinking there is no way they would resent their partners…

Do any of these resonate with you?

Self-Compassion in the Perinatal Period

Studies have found that women who have experienced poor perinatal mental health and have connected with resources to cultivate self-compassion have had a positive motherhood experience with higher levels of emotional well-being.

So what is self-compassion?

Having self-compassion is no different than having compassion for others. To have compassion for others, you need to notice they are suffering, respond to their pain with warmth and care and offer understanding and kindness rather than judgment, and realize that suffering and imperfection is part of the shared human experience (Kristen Neff, self-compassoin.org)***. Therefore, self-compassion is simply compassion for the self.

So instead of criticizing yourself for your imperfections or challenges, try these 3 elements of mindfulness-based self-compassion.

3 Elements of Mindfulness-Based Self-Compassion

1. Self-Kindness

Self-compassion involves being kind and gentle to ourselves when we feel like we are failing, imperfect, or are experiencing difficulties. Take a deep breath and repeat a self-kindness phrase to yourself in your mind or out loud and feel those words. It might feel strange at the beginning if your mind isn’t used to this kind of self-talk.

May I be kind and gentle to myself in this moment of challenge.

I am a work in progress and am learning on my own motherhood journey.

2. Common Humanity

Self-compassion also involves realizing that suffering is part of the shared human experience.

This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life.

May I gently accept my humanness.

Being human requires restoration. It is okay to need or want to take a break from family to recharge.

3. Mindfulness

Being mindful is being able to notice thoughts and emotions as they are, in the present moment without judgement. You can notice thoughts and emotions and let them pass without believing them and creating meaning from them.

I am exactly who and what my child needs.

I am capable of settling down my own nervous system.

May I find mindful moments.

When I watch my baby eat, sleep, or breathe in their most natural state, my nervous system naturally goes into a state of soothing.

I am here in this moment, noticing myself, without judgment.

Being present in this moment with you is creating secure attachment.

Wherever you are in your own personal journey, I encourage you to take a moment today to express compassion toward yourself.

~Chelsea

P.S. Check back next week for 3 BONUS tips!

This blog is not intended to be used as professional counselling. 

*https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/daily-quotidien/190624/dq190624b-eng.htm

**https://www.amazon.ca/Self-Compassionate-Motherhood-Ways-Shadows-Experience-ebook/dp/B07D317FRZ

***https://self-compassion.org